“No way I am wearing this.”
“This won’t fit.”
“Ummm… No way this is going to make the cut.”
“This one? Nope. This would have been an option thirty cookies ago.”
“Achu, please. I’m going to look like a mascot for muffins everywhere in this.”
During the long quarantine period in my part of the world, I decided to make good use of my time by honing my baking skills. I enjoyed baking one tray of cantucci after another, followed by trays of cookies, cakes, and loaves of freshly baked bread. Utter delights presented themselves from the warmth of my oven, and every recipe I mastered filled me with a sense of accomplishment and happiness.
Ordinarily, I would enjoy sharing the results of my latest baking experiment with the other young mothers in the neighborhood. Since the lockdown put an effective stop to all that, I made one poor decision after another in disposing of my culinary victories before they turned stale. I remorselessly demolished one pastry after another with no regrets. It wasn’t until the lockdown lifted and real-life beckoned that I realized I could not respectably fit into any of my formal dresses.
Immediately, I got all worked up thinking about what people would say about me.
My husband, aware that I am notoriously good at imagining the worst, gave me a good talking to. He pointed me towards the real issue before us – my lack of discipline in my food habits – and offered to pray with me asking God for grace in that area. Suitably chastised, it was only then that I was able to focus my energy on what actually needed my attention – to repent of the poor choices I had made about my food habits over the past couple of months. Together, we bowed our heads and asked God to forgive me for not making healthy decisions and to learn how to eat everything in moderation.
The past week, my mind went back to this incident over and over again. And suddenly, the Lord showed me something very valuable that I could take away from all this – the state of my heart.
See, my primary concern in gaining weight was not that I wasn’t making healthy choices and thereby causing harm to my body. My primary concern was, foolishly, how I would appear to people. Isn’t this the attitude of many among us when it comes to dealing with sin? Are we guilty of being more concerned with sins that people might be able to witness (and thereby judge) rather than what the sin itself does to our soul?
While it is no doubt important that we ought to present Christ in the best possible way to those on the outside looking in, God is far more concerned about the real state of our hearts. He isn’t looking for actors who can put on a good show. He wants people who are broken and convicted at the state of their heart – people who are deeply aware of their sins. From that awareness stems a heart bursting with gratitude at Christ’s work on the cross. It is on such people that God does His best transformative work. They are the ones who will make effective ambassadors for Christ – going forth as redeemed sinners, saved by grace, and proclaiming a real and living hope!
What does it say about my attitude to sin if I am satisfied with putting on a show before others – depicting myself as a righteous Christian? Can I be of any value to the Kingdom of God if I am more concerned over what mere mortals think of me than what God thinks of me?
Caught watching pornography? Oh, the shame! Does the same thing in the privacy of their home? It’s fine. I will repent eventually.
Overheard using bad language by a church member? What are they going to think about me! Abuses his boss in the most colorful language in his mind? So what? Everybody does that.
Gets fired for stealing office supplies? I hope nobody finds out the reason behind my termination. Fills her heart with covetous thoughts over a friend’s new home? What could possibly be wrong with that?
Careful, dear friend. Hypocrisy angers God. How does it serve anyone if you carry your Bible on your arm, have Scripture readily roll off your tongue, but do not bend to the conviction of the Holy Spirit? “Do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4). In the words of Tim Challies, “What good will it do to a man when he is in hell, that others think he is in heaven?”
But, as always, there is hope in Christ. When we come to Him in true repentance and confess our conscious sins, He is faithful to receive us and offers unmerited forgiveness. When we truly come to deplore the wretched state of our hypocritical heart, the Holy Spirit graciously shines a light into the darkest corners of the heart – exposing sinful areas in our life that we were oblivious to.
I am reminded of a classmate when I was in the fourth grade. Her name was Nadia. She was generally a very good student. However, she had consecutively failed to score well in a couple of tests that we had. After a particularly bad test score, our teacher got frustrated at her declining grades and asked her loudly, “Shall I read out your poor scores to the entire class?” Nadia looked crestfallen but somberly replied, “Yes ma’am. I think you should. Maybe then I’ll be more serious about my grades.”
What an attitude! Twenty years later, I still remember how much I marveled at her answer.
May this be our attitude, dear friend. Even if it takes humiliation and disgrace to expose the seriousness of our sin, it is worth it. Oh, it is worth it. I remember listening to a sermon by brother Zac Poonen in which he related sin to cancer. None of us would ask a doctor to preserve our cancerous limb if it meant we would lose our life. We would explicitly let the doctor know that we are willing to do whatever it takes to eradicate any trace of cancer from our body. Make no mistake, sin is far more deadly. “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.“(Matthew 10:28) Let us be quick to ask the Holy Spirit to expose all manner of sin in our lives – no matter how big or small.
Now that is a worthy prayer to bring to the One before whom “everything is uncovered and laid bare… to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:13)
16 comments
Wonderful post! Thank you!
1. My husband is an amazing baker and he has been making all kinds of goodies over the last few months that have made it hard for me to lose some baby weight I am carrying, so I really understand what you are talking about there! 2. I love the way you tied it all together. The ending reminded me of the verse that says if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out etc. better to remove the bad part than have our whole body suffer in the end. Great post!
A wonderful reminder that the state of our heart is what really drives our actions! Thanks once again for your beautiful stories with a lesson!
Thank you so much for this post! It is a great reminder to always ask the Holy Spirt as to where we are indeed wrong so we would be able to repent and take a different course of action for us to be better. God bless you!
Wow this is a very beautiful and spiritually informative post. Really liked the listening quite different.
This was a great piece. I love how you remind us that it is better to ask God to expose our sin. It may not be fun but as you said it is worth it. We can’t get rid of it if we don’t know about it.
I am trying to lose the weight I have gained during the pandemic. But like you said, because of what others might think. So now I need to change my focus. Thanks for sharing
What an awesome reminder of the seriousness of sin. And our view of it. So sad but true that we tend to be convicted of sin to the point of being willing to repent only if others know of our sin.
Oh my goodness…. this hit so close to home. Lack of discipline in food habits gets the best of us too.
Thanks for being open about struggles we try to cope with alone. Only with God’s strength can we overcome and make that choice every day 🙏
This post on quarantine weight and concealed sins is a powerful message. We may be in a season of quarantine but our isolated lives are still seen by our Heavenly Father. Luke 12:2 is our truth in this regard! Amen! God bless you for this courageous post!
Wow! Such a powerful statement “my primary concern in gaining weight was not that I wasn’t making healthy choices and thereby causing harm to my body. My primary concern was, foolishly, how I would appear to people.” That’s such an incredible and wise point and I’ll be thinking about it for the rest of the day =). Thanks for writing this!
It is about the heart. “Out of the heart the mouth speaketh….” Our responses to everything come back to the heart. Oh Lord. Shape our hearts to look less like us and more like Yours.
I love how God helps us to realize our true motives in the decisions we make. I love your writing and always enjoy reading a new post of yours! Absolutely beautiful …
This really jumped out at me: “He isn’t looking for actors who can put on a good show.” But so many of us live as if He were!
Such truth! Healing is only possible when we get really honest with ourselves and with God!
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