There was a time in my life, not long ago, when I worked twelve to fourteen hours a day.
A few months after our wedding, I decided to pursue a doctorate in English Literature and American Studies. I was convinced that nothing could make me happier than being known as an expert in my field. My husband spent many, many evenings driving me to the university about forty kilometers away. Once there, he would wait in the car or go on a walk for an hour or more while I had one meeting after another with my advisor.
Each time I came back home after a meeting, I had enough on my plate to keep me occupied for a week or two. Once I was done with those tasks, I scheduled another meeting. And so the days passed swiftly by – each busier than the one before.
I had adhered to this hectic schedule for a year-and-a-half by the time Joseph was born. The first three months after his birth was a period of rejuvenation and rest. My mother flew in to be with me and helped me with everything that was humanly possible. When she left, I found myself feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed.
However, I persevered. I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel after all that I had been through. I was determined to finish what I started no matter what came my way – even if the thing in question was a three-month-old baby. I kept at it through long nights and tiring days. I hunched over my laptop pecking away – just waiting for my husband to come home so I could hand Joseph over to him. Every cry that lasted more than a few minutes irritated me. Why can’t he be quiet? What’s bothering him? How will I get anything done if I have to tend to him all the time?
Needless to say, I didn’t truly enjoy the first year of Joseph’s life as much as I could or should have. In the months leading to Joseph’s first birthday, God began to change my mindset. He began to place desires in my heart that were in accordance with being a godly mother. How can I lead by example if my child sees me hunched over a computer all day? Can my desire for academic advancement justify my irritation at his “untimely” needs? Am I free of guilt in God’s eyes if I prioritized career development over godly training? Does my heart long for grace to be a sharpener of arrows (Psalms 127:4) or are my prayers selfishly focused on asking God to help me make a name for myself?
God, in His matchless mercy, helped me choose “Amma” (mother) over “Doctor”.
It was a difficult decision to make. I struggled with it before I began to love it. Well-meaning friends tell me it isn’t too late to complete my doctoral degree. You’re still young and will have plenty of time once the kids are grown, they say. They tell me not to worry that I have to stay at home now. Little do they know that I often weep with gratitude that I get to stay at home. I’m infinitely grateful to God for the decision He encouraged me to make two years ago.
That isn’t to say it’s easy. Far from it. I work twenty-four-hour shifts now.
On some days, the chores seem to be never-ending and a child might constantly want to be carried around. On other days the time flies by in an endless loop of changing nappies and wiping sticky extremities. On yet other days, a stray crayon finds itself in the hand of a particularly creative child who decides to paint the wall red. I often wonder, what good can possibly come out of this? What good can possibly come out of me hunched up against the wall with an eraser – desperately trying to salvage it without using paint?
I’ll tell you what I’ve learned.
When I am overwhelmed in certain situations and am quick to rebuke them when it wasn’t necessary to be harsh, the Holy Spirit has taught me to apologize to them and explain why what I did was wrong. On other occasions, when guilt took over, I’ve prayed out loud in desperation – asking God for help – and have heard my three-year-old’s “Amen” in addition to mine. As I mature in the Lord and learn to let things go – only giving each situation the appropriate amount of importance, they see growth and grace abound.
The world is plunged into utter darkness, dear mother. The voices in the world are growing louder, more defiant, and rebellious. Is your voice loaded with enough prayer and grace to displace those voices? Are you spending each day training them in the “way that they should go” (Proverbs 22:6)? To be a godly mother is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and to diligently teach your children to do the same.
So, dear mother, be encouraged in the knowledge that your faithfulness has consequences that are far-reaching. It goes far beyond the seemingly mundane little tasks that fill each day. On days when you find yourself overwhelmed, remember that once a moment has passed, you will never get that again. You might have to repeat an action (like feeding them or changing nappies) numerous times but each time is an opportunity that only comes once. In all you do, strive to do it without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2:14).
What a beautiful example of godly training we see in the life of Moses! His mother Jochebed had but a few years with him. However, the manner in which she raised him ensured that he “refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward (Hebrews 11:24-26). If a mother who had no more than a few short years with her son had such a lasting impact, what excuse do you and I have?
Are we diligent, uncompromising, consistent, and passionate in raising our children in the knowledge and grace of our Lord and Savior before they are ready to face the world on their own?
A friend of mine once said – “We only have eighteen summers with them before they leave for college”. The time we have with our children is so short – make the most of it. Figure out ways to invite Jesus into every conversation. May all your thoughts and utterances be centered around Him. Let them realize that nothing apart from living a life that glorifies Him matters. Ask God for the grace to lead a life that exhibits Him to them. What a calling it is to raise godly children who will go on to become men and women of great faith!
If you are a mother who, for genuine reasons, also works outside the home, I pray God gives you the grace to fulfill your duties as a mother with diligence. Constantly ask God for the wisdom to prioritize your tasks. Ask Him to show you what truly takes precedence in your heart. When we are honest before God, He leads us into all truth and righteousness.
Let us ask God for the grace and strive with all our hearts to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to our husbands so that no one will malign the word of God (Titus 2:4).
4 comments
I can completely understand what you went through. It really tough for me with my daughter when she was little. It wasn’t until a little while afterwards that God helped me change my mindset about motherhood and being a good example to her. Great post!
Praise God!
Choosing to be a stay at home mom can be a difficult transition. I’m so glad that your children have you to watch over them and teach them!
Yes, you’re absolutely right. But so rewarding! 🙂
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