“God creates us free, free to be selfish, but He adds a mechanism that will penetrate our selfishness and wake us up to the presence of others in this world, and that mechanism is called suffering.”
Sometimes one needs a jolt into reality to be reminded of the things that truly matter in life.
We went to India in the last week of April to attend the wedding of my brother. A couple of weeks after the wedding, my husband didn’t feel like himself. And since the early symptoms of Covid are just like that of a common cold, we tried to comfort ourselves by hoping that it was just a cold that he had caught. I whispered a prayer as he put on his first mask while inside our home. When a couple of days had passed and he still wasn’t feeling better, we took a test that came back positive. By that point, I was prepared for such an outcome and didn’t feel too shocked. I prayed that God would protect and sustain him. I was still not too worried. “He’s young. He’ll pull through it”, I naively said to myself.
Within a week of my husband’s test coming back positive, four people we knew had succumbed to this ghastly virus. Gaping at the waves that crashed around us, it certainly seemed that Lord chose that time to fall asleep inside our boat. Unsure of how things would play out, I went to sleep that night with a heavy heart.
The next morning, my husband could not walk in a straight line.
His oxygen level had dropped to eighty-three and his heart was beating at only 28 beats per minute. I watched as they took my husband away to a hospital where we weren’t even sure if he would get a bed. I wish I could say I were spiritually stronger than this but as I saw him walk away, the waves in my heart crashed against my little boat. I held on to the mast for dear life and wondered if the Lord knew just how dire our situation was. “Please, Lord”, I wept, “Don’t take him away from me just yet.”
Just before Paulsam got sick, the Lord spoke to me through a verse that He had used to speak to me ten years ago when I got into a relationship with my husband. Puzzled why the Lord reminded me of that verse, I did not think much of it. A week later, when my husband lay in bed, struggling to orient his thoughts because of lack of oxygen, the Lord forcibly brought the very same verse to mind. As I spoke it out loud to my husband over and over again, we were both strengthened immensely. I whispered it over and over again as I held both my children in each hand and wept when he was taken to the hospital. The Word became my anchor when I flailed around for something to hold. It became my comfort when my tears became my food day and night. As I soaked my pillow with tears, the Word gave me great comfort. Each day the Lord strengthened me with new promises from His Word.
I held on to it as I waited for my husband to get better.
I held on to it as doubts assailed me in the middle of the night.
I held on to it when my children asked me when daddy would come back home.
I held on to it when I struggled for breath a week later – lying on my stomach in the back seat of our car – having caught the same virus.
I held on to it when a doctor came out to tell us that there were no more beds available.
Even in a feverish delirium, the only thing that the Lord allowed into my mind was His Word. I held on to it simply because there was simply nothing else reliable enough to support the weight of my hope. I quickly realised, without a shadow of doubt, that the things of this Earth will pass. I was brought to the realisation that any time I invested into anything apart from the things above were truly and completely wasted. Nothing could hold me up in my time of distress. I understood what the Psalmist felt when he wrote ‘Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.‘ (Psalm 94:17-19)
I’ve spent a large part of my adult life doing things that make me happy and kept me well within the boundaries of my comfort zone. I whiled away my early adulthood years by watching mindless sitcoms and movies, living a life that kept my mind away from any thought of Christ. When I did think of Him, guilt let its weight be felt upon my soul – pressing upon me like a heavy, wet blanket. So instead of turning to Christ, I evaded any serious thoughts about Him. I remember the days when I used to be naive enough to think that I could get through anything in life if I had a good movie to get through it. How foolish and oblivious I was! In the face of some harsh realities of life, all kinds of hollow replacements for true peace bite the dust.
Dear friend, if you have read this far, ask yourself what you are substituting for God’s Word. What is taking away your time from it? What is replacing your affection for Him? How simple it is to immerse ourselves in fleeting pleasures and mind-numbing entertainment! For instance, each video on TikTok is merely a minute long. But before we know it, a couple of hours have passed. When did you last spend a couple of hours meditating on the Word of God?
Ten days after my being admitted to the same hospital that my husband was in, we were both discharged by the grace of God and came back home. The Lord certainly had my attention in a way that He hadn’t had for a while. Although it scared and scarred me, I am now certain of the legitimacy of God’s Word. There have certainly been other times in my life when I have found it to be true. However, it is always good to be reminded. As we made our way out of this intense period of our lives, I was reminded of these verses, ‘Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.‘ (Hebrews 12:7–11)
To repeat the words of Joseph from the book of Genesis, what the enemy intended against me for evil, God intended for good. My heart goes out to people who suffer from Covid now. How quick I am to pray for them. The prayers come from a place of empathy and not of obligation. We have now been trained to do more for them than pray – I have been taken through a path that causes me to be a light to them. Moreover, my eyes have been opened to the plight and dedication of the key workers. There are nurses whose faces I have not seen, who served my husband and me tirelessly. I spent ten days in the hospital being taken care of by them with only their eyes boring into mine. How grateful I am for them. As the rest of us huddle inside our homes, they march resolutely to work each day and help people get better. If that isn’t worthy of our respect and gratitude, I don’t know what is. But I was oblivious to all of this before we got sick. Of course, I knew that the people working in the medical field had it hard but I didn’t realise to what degree. I mumbled words of unfeeling prayers to appease my conscience and left it at that. But now… I know more. I’ve been taught that they need our fervent prayers.
Above everything else, I’ve been taught that ‘“All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever” (1 Peter 1:24-25). Nothing else deserves our time and affections as it does. It will be a stronghold in times of trouble (Psalm 119:50), causes us to be regenerated (1 Peter 1:23), nourishes the soul (1 Peter 2:2-3, Matthew 4:4), and equips us for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Dear friend, don’t make the mistake of trusting your soul to anything less. If you build your life upon this, you will never be put to shame. Even on the Day of Judgement, it will hold good (John 12:48).
Dearly beloved, if you find yourself pressed on every side, I gently encourage you to take comfort in these words by Charles Spurgeon, “Turn, then, to the individual Christian, and remember that the promise is just as firm and steadfast for each believer. Christian, if you are truly a child of God, your trials cannot destroy you. What is better still, you cannot lose anything by them. You may seem to lose for today, but when the account comes to be settled, you will not be found to have lost at all due to all the temptations of all the world or all the attacks of Satan that you have endured. On the contrary, you will have wondrously gained. Your trials, having worked patience and experience, will make you rich. Your temptations, having taught you your weakness and shown you where your strength lies, will make you strong. We even glory in the tribulations, knowing that the tribulation works patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; and the hope shall not be ashamed, because the love of God is poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us… Endure to the end, and you will find that this difficult situation, this severe discipline, did you much good and made you a better man than you ever would have been if you had been gently rocked on the lap of piety and kept from the battle.”