Sometime last month, when the world was gearing up in anticipation of Christmas, I was on a call with a dear friend. Across the living room were Joseph and Anna, my two young kids, who were creating a ruckus and giving me a difficult time. I struggled to keep them quiet and occupied while on my phone.
As our conversation progressed and my friend and I spoke of the things of God, I was led to share something that was burdening my heart for a long time. I wept as I shared my weakness with her and wondered if God would yet restore me. As she spoke words of encouragement and shared my burden, I juggled Anna in one hand and was making quiet threats to Joseph with my eyes – quietly beseeching both of them to maintain a semblance of decorum.
At one point, I lost it. I had tried to get them to watch the television, play with slime, ride their bikes and do craft. Nothing could hold their interest for more than a couple of minutes. Though my friend didn’t know it, my renewed supply of tears now partly stemmed from the fact that I couldn’t hold a conversation for a few minutes without constantly being interrupted. As if to add fuel to the fire, Anna came to me holding a few uninflated balloons and asked me to blow them up for her. Hoping that at least this would help keep her occupied, I began to blow them up.
Oh friend, I wish you could have seen me then. Tears streaming down my face, headphones on my head, listening to my friend speak words of love while blowing into the balloons. The ridiculousness of blowing balloons – a mainstay for happy events – while sobbing into the phone, was not lost on me. I realised just how little control I had over the present situation.
Although it was a seemingly insignificant event, it had an impact on me. It drove home the point of how little control I have over the events of my life. The Bible speaks directly to this truth : “Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”” (James 4:13-15)
I tell you, as far as I am concerned, my basic instinct is just to have as tight a grip on things as possible. I like to have a firm hand that yields control in everything I do. It’s been one painful lesson after another where the Lord has been teaching to let things go and to surrender the reins to Him. Some characters and attitudes are harder to die in our flesh and take longer. This is one such area of my life. A verse that has helped me enormously is one that speaks directly to my misplaced confidence. Proverbs 3:5-6 reads, trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
While it’s easy to quote one verse after another, it’s quite a different matter to relinquish control to the sovereign Lord. We struggle with letting our plans go – we present to God a better suited time table that we feel work better for us. We are master negotiators, donning a guise of humility while we try to force God’s hand into executing our will. Oh, but what fools we are! How arrogant we are to assume that we might know better that the one who holds time and knows the universal unfolding of every second long before it comes to pass. King David declares, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God. How vast is the sum of them!” (Psalm 139:16,17)
The thing is, it’s easy to let God decided the course of our lives when things are fine and dandy. After all, it’s smooth sailing. It doesn’t need a lot of faith to trust God when you’re in a dry boat that’s rocking you to sleep. But when your eyes take in the size of the waves in the midst of a storm, and you’re standing on water, what then? Will you murmur against God and harden your heart? Will your logic come into play and will you question the integrity of a God who permitted such a situation?
Dear one, if you do so, you’re likely just wasting your suffering. I’ll tell you what that means. We went through a difficult period in our lives when our oldest was just five months old. He would cry, and I do not exaggerate here, for over 13 hours a day. It was absolutely, mind-numbingly traumatising. Nothing we did seemed to soothe him. If you’re a parent and reading this, you can imagine that we left no stone unturned to ease his suffering.
Nothing helped.
During those three months, I turned cold. I wondered how God could allow such a horrible season to occur in the life of a wee baby. My husband noticed the shift in my perspective and repeatedly warned me. He reminded me that God is sovereign and that we will come out purer in spirit on the other side. He was suffering as well but he constantly held on to the hope that God would deliver us from this painful situation and held on to the assurance that God knew exactly what we were going through. Sure enough, in a couple of months and a few spiritual battles later, Joseph was absolutely alright. I can honestly tell you that my husband came out a stronger disciple on the other. I, on the other hand, not so much. The lessons my husband learnt during that time strengthen and carry him to this very day. I’ve looked back to that period in my life many times, shook my head, and regretted the amount of suffering I wasted.
“That which should distinguish the suffering of believers from unbelievers is the confidence that our suffering is under the control of an all-powerful and all-loving God. Our suffering has meaning and purpose in God’s eternal plan, and He brings or allows to come into our lives only that which is for His glory and our good.” (Jerry Bridges)
God knows, beloved. God knows.
He’s right there in the boat with you. You crying out to him has the power to rouse Him – even the deafening storm doesn’t have that power. As the song goes, So let go, my soul, and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name. It is well with my soul.
So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1 Peter 5:6) “Nothing in all the vast universe can come to pass otherwise than God has eternally purposed. Here is a foundation of faith. Here is a resting place for the intellect. Here is an anchor for the soul, both sure and steadfast. It is not blind fate, unbridled evil, man or Devil, but the Lord Almighty who is ruling the world, ruling it according to His own good pleasure and for His own eternal glory.” (A.W.Pink)
While all this sounds rather grandiose, it boils down to one thing : humility. I allow God to handle all my affairs. He is truly the Lord and Master of my life. Rest easy, beloved. You are in capable hands. “If there is one single molecule in this universe running around loose, totally free of God’s sovereignty, then we have no guarantee that a single promise of God will ever be fulfilled.”( R.C. Sproul – emphasis added) But this will never be so. Job 42:2 reads, I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
However, In the words of Chad Van Dixhoorn, “we know that all things are in God’s hands, but this would bring little comfort to God’s people if we ever ceased to remember that these are good hands.” Therefore, if we are certain that the hands we hand over our life to are good hands, then let us do it joyfully – with unequalled trust. Let us rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, and persevere in prayer (Romans 12:12) Let us not simply endure the lessons that the Lord teaches us. May our brokenness bring forth the light that is within. May we humbly submit to His will and take great comfort in the sovereignty of our good God.