On Breaking the Cycle of Relapse

by Evangeline Samuel
On Breaking the Cycle of Relapse

Joseph, my three-year-old, loves the fact that he has a younger sister. He watched, fascinated, as she took her first steps, uttered her first words, and threw her first tantrum. He takes great pride in showing her the ropes of their little world and dutifully reports back to me anything he thinks she isn’t doing right.

However, it didn’t take long for Joseph to realise that babies took a lot of their parents’ time and attention – both that were all his before she came along. He became wary of the fact that anytime she did anything remotely new, we were all eyes and ears.

Quickly, Joseph put two and two together and began imitating his little sister who is a whole two years younger than he is. If she said “Ascha” when she wanted a drink of water, Joseph said the same. If “Tha” took the place of her thank yous, “tha” featured predominantly in Joseph’s vocabulary the very next week.

I found it endearing at first.

However, it got old real quick. He would choose particular behaviours that he assumed got the most response from us and imitated it to a tee. Subsequently, he only wanted to drink from a sippy cup, started to speak “baby language”, and even walked like her!

Thankfully, this episode is mostly behind us now. Although we were fully aware that it was just a phase that he was going through, it made us sad when he regressed back to his old habits. We had to consistently explain to him how he was a bigger child than Anna and that he did not need to imitate her to get our attention.

The whole experience reminded me of my often not-so-linear relationship with God. Perhaps you can relate.

The Lord convicts me of something I ought to change or let go of.

I either let go of something easily and with no qualms or it takes a long while before I get to where I would like to be.

Little changes slowly add up and I am thrilled to experience growth in my spiritual life.

However, if I am not vigilant, there is always the danger of falling back into those very habits that the Lord delivered me from. If I do not cry out for timely grace and for the desire to be disciplined, I run the risk of being tempted by the things of the world yet again.

When this happens, and I find myself savouring my sin, I quickly trace my way back to my old habits – habits that were supposed to be crucified to the cross.

Mercifully, The Lord is swift to convict me of my regressions. It is upto me to chose if I return to Him immediately or take my time in savouring my sin. But let me tell you friend, I have learned that it is infinitely better to withdraw from sin as quickly as you would withdraw your hand from boiling water.

Flee from it and don’t look back. The Bible has some pretty strong words for those who turn their back on the salvation that was offered to them and chose to become slaves of sin yet again. “And when people escape from the wickedness of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again, they are worse off than before. It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life. They prove the truth of this proverb: “A dog returns to its vomit.” And another says, “A washed pig returns to the mud.”” (2 Peter 2:20‭-‬22)

It is my earnest prayer that the Lord will take up every square inch of my heart's real estate

Our life’s goal must be to die to ourselves each day. One of the key realities of the Kingdom of God is that life springs from death. We are called to bear much fruit. But unless we are willing to die to our old ways and habits, this becomes impossible.

There are so many areas in my life that the Lord has given me complete deliverance from sin. In those areas, freedom bells ring. “If the Son has set you free, then you are free indeed” (John 8:36). Sin no longer has a claim over me and no longer dictates how those areas in my life are led.

Similarly, it is my earnest prayer that the Lord will take up every square inch of my heart’s real estate. He is undoubtedly the Lord of my heart but I am working with Him to “put to death whatever belongs to my earthly nature” (Colossians 3:5).

A.W.Tozer said it beautifully : “In every Christian’s Heart, there is a cross and a throne, and the Christian is on the throne till he puts himself on the cross; if he refuses the cross, he remains on the throne. Perhaps this is at the bottom of the backsliding and worldliness among Gospel believers today. We want to be saved, but we insist that Christ do all the dying. No cross for us, no dethronement, no dying. We remain king within the little kingdom of man’s soul and wear our tinsel crown with all the pride of a caesar; but we doom ourselves to shadows and weakness and spiritual sterility.”

If you were able to relate to what I’ve written about, join me as I pray.

Dear Father, I’ve gone back over and over again to the things that You’ve convicted me to let go of. Each time I feel guilty, ask You to forgive me, and hope You’ll restore me. This isn’t a cycle I want to continue in. Please help me live in Your freedom – I want to utterly abhor the things that You deem are not befitting Your child. Help me to be fiercely determined to never again go back to the things You’ve saved me from. Help me to claw on to Your grace and to stand on the rock that is higher than I. I trust in Your strength, Lord. You are my rock of salvation. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

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2 comments

Jerushalit January 18, 2021 - 5:58 am

Nice write up! Keep Rocking for Christ Dearrrr

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