I began to dye my hair late sometime last year. I’ve had white hairs for a decade now but it began to bother me when two frosty streaks began to frame my face – making me appear far older than I am. The last time I dyed my hair was in October and I had quite forgotten about it. So last week, when I passed by a mirror, I did a double take. I was surprised at how black and shiny my hair looked. I was feeling pretty pleased when I remembered that it was coloured to an inch of its life. Sighing, I went about my business.
I became highly aware of the fact that there was no real change there. Just a superficial coating of fabricated reality that looked convincing enough to fool even me. I could draw a clear parallel to that incident and what I tend to do in my spiritual life. The thought wouldn’t leave me alone and I was burdened over it the past weeks.
Dear Lord, as your word rightly states, I cannot turn even one hair white or black (Matthew 5:36). All my efforts for change is superficial at best. Every hair that grows out my scalp retains the colour that it is originally. So how foolish I am to think that I can change my thoughts, my habits, and my ways all on my own. Many times, I am good at pretending that I am over these destructive patterns and habits that do not honour you. I do such a good job of putting on a show that others think I am far more holy than I actually am. In many areas, I have played such a role for so long that I fool myself into believing that I am indeed delivered and need no redemption there.
But you, O Lord, know all my ways. None of them are hidden from you. You alone can bring a thorough transformation in me. At your word, water will turn to wine. You alone can bring a change so radical that the former man will be unrecognisable by the latter. Change me, Lord. The real trouble isn’t my circumstances, my spouse, my sibling, my children or my friends. I’m the one who stands in need of prayer.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 51, Psalm 139).
I look up to you for deliverance, my Lord. Apart from you, there is no hope for real change in my life. Apart from you, there is no salvation. You are the author of my faith. Let me not be so myopic to assume that I can either sustain or finish what You have started in my life. With You, I will go from glory to glory. In Jesus’s name, Amen.